Down the road somewhere

by Veneron Yazzen

Nearing June.

Me and the dogs got back from a six-mile walk.

The day before.

My uncle told me about more canyons if I just go south. So that following early morning, we got ready to head out. We explored some beautiful red canyons that are not open to tourists. It was gorgeous, a pink sunrise and still warm. Still a little damp from the night rain. Soft and quiet, it must have fallen while we slept.

I locked the door to the hogan. We began our hike. As time went on, the sun started to hit the red sands and everything green, things are heating up and it smells amazing, mostly a very pungent cedar smell.

It was partly cloudy.

The path and places we explored were magical. I think we were in heaven for a moment. I think if we went any further, we would have entered another dimension. Quite the feeling of knowing how far you walk away from civilization; things get deep when you start coexisting with nature. I thought of a long time ago, when I read in some science article, how atoms never die. It is a humongous deal if one is about to die. Atoms can shed from you every seven years. You’ll have new atoms, or maybe atoms someone already had. Just passing them along to each other.

Also, in the atom world, when an atom gets weak and is about to die, all the atoms around bond and send nothing but energy to the near death one. Recharging them. All of them patting that one almost dead atom’s back,

“It is better and amazing to be alive now.”

That’s what one would say.

The atom.

Then they shoot streams of energy.

I think of streams, then my veins.

I think of how it is all connected.

I reflect on how I got to these pretty canyons.

My hands on the wheel.

Driving.

I-40 is a big stream of traffic calling out to me. To join the cars floating to adventure, destiny and purpose. But on this walk, it is completely dead silent. Occasional wind gust comes. No traffic sounds.

I see this small red sand dune; it had these sand ripple shapes building it up. It looks like a wave crashing down into the golden red sea made of sand.  It reminds me of my dried knuckles, and every grain of sand is the atom. Then Heath jumps onto the perfect sand mound with his pretty brown paws, digging for gophers.

We always see other paw prints. Small delicate ones.

Very beautiful.

I think of wild coyotes. The hybrids. Part coyote. Part wolf.

So entranced by all the beauty, I remembered.

I forgot my artsy hobby camera. It would be nice to get photos.

A Nikon 35Ti. A friend was putting it out in a free bin. I thought it was broken. But its not, it needs those little film rolls. Sometimes rare. She said it was a cute photography phase. I was picking up something old she did. It is such a beautiful camera. I picture it sitting on these red rock plates stacked on top of one another.

Pretty camera, sleek and minimal. I was trying my hand at photography. Dark rooms are very romantic places. How they smell too.

Instead, wet sweet cedar and sand.

I took it all in.

Now the journey has become worthy of being in a story.

Arizona is magical.

I felt for some strange reason, my mother and father were there walking with us. Maybe I was following some old trail my mother hiked when she was a kid. I was where my mother grew up. Near Canyon De Chelly. Absorbing new atoms.

My father was not too far, more North. I planned to travel out that way soon. But to some campgrounds in Utah. We planned to see the Sun Tunnels by Nancy Holt. I wanted to get some photos of the dogs there, which I hope is still there.

Still heading south.

I remember my mother saying that her grandmother told her, it is a blessing, a joining together. When the sun and moon are out simultaneously. It is like how our mother and father would spend the day together. I held the sun’s warmth in my hands, and if the moon had shoulders, I was up high on the moon, very energized.

My parents. They passed a few years back.

I felt them though.

I was a big kid again.

Exploring.

We stop to have a break. My other dog Zelle sees a jack rabbit and chases it into the wild. I let her chase it. I have no control over her animal instincts. I push deep down the image of her getting stuck near a cliff and I must overcome my fear of heights to save her. I push that thought aside by finding shade. Heath sits by me.

Zelle comes back.

I am relieved. But I am nervous about the cliffs nearby. I try not to think too much about it. I think I am having an anxiety attack way off in the middle of nowhere.

I pet them.

I remember how I got Zelle.

With her pretty golden-blondish sunny coat. A lab retriever mixed with something, like an Akita dog breed. She looks like she wears dark eyeliner. She is demure and beautiful.

“She is an Aquarius dog.” A student says as she is handing her over to me.

She was three months old.

She is super smart. She loves children. Children love her. She can be introverted; she likes her alone time. When she naps, she looks like a lioness laying under a tree for shade, and boy she loves treats. She loves to chase blue tail lizards, and yeah a jack rabbit now and then.

If I can say more about Zelle. She loves to look out the window, thinking.

I chose her because I wanted Heath to have a companion.

When it was just me and Heath. We sat around and got a little chubby. Probably a good two years goes by with me and him. I remember telling Heath we must spruce our lives up. Get another doggy, I tell him. She entered our lives, Zelle just kept walking, and we followed her. Next thing you know I realized we walked about a mile. We kept going.

Be a dog dad.

Good ol’ Heath. With his beautiful shiny black as night coat. Blue heeler, Australian Shepard mix. He looks like a small Newfoundland dog.

He is a cattle dog though!

Heath is amazingly handsome. He is a Leo dog.

He loves everyone with a passion. Very territorial and possessive of me. But he is a good protector. He is a fearless dog when it comes to people, he loves all humans. To me that is his greatest power. I try to be like that. Just love everyone. How else can I explain Heath?

He just goes for it. No hesitation.

I admire him deeply for that.

My brother and his wife got him for me to care for. They are great dogs. DOGS are very sacred. They have to be. They can smell beyond our limits when it comes to our senses. They can smell past our dimensions. I can go on forever about them. I just know they remind me to stay young, keep a youthful spirit.

Or keep your heart burning with some passion.

So, I am not having an anxiety attack after all.  I continue the journey by being brave and walking somewhat close to the edge. Giggling softly from a safe distance, but my legs are Jello. I start to do a little dance by the cliff, and I make myself face it.

But there is no one there.

My two greatest fears. Heights and dancing in public.

It was a journey I will never forget.

You get lost in that place.

But.

We must remember civilization.

You can see the town from where we hiked. A kind of a reminder to not stray too far. Chinle, this town says to me, don’t stray too far in your imagination.

We got back very tired and sunburnt.

Sun and Moon atoms were streaming in my blood. And I was very hungry. I unlocked the door, into the hot Hogan my uncle let me stay in. It’s like my travelling Hub. To recharge. Yeah, I had some of my stuff here when I moved. It’s not a lot. I am a practicing minimalist.

The dogs slobber together their tongues in the water bowl.

Panting hard.

A voice mail notification is heard as I jump touch-downed onto the metal couch frame, it turns into a bed. I lay on that and listen to the message. Staring at the ceiling. It is from someone representing a hiring panel for a school, they were looking for an Art Teacher.

It was in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

So, they were calling me to schedule an interview for the art teaching position.

I kind of say. “Oh yeah, I forgot about that“

Whatever.

Tossed my phone to the corner edge of the bed couch.

I lay on just thinking; I go back to reading The Ninja, by Eric Lustbader. I held up the book toward the ceiling and read. I posed myself still, like a marble statue. Some ancient statue. I think how those canyons hypnotized me.

Those pinkish red canyon walls. Golden brown sands. Piercing blue skies with strong muscular clouds.

Heath found a Horned Toad. So very rare.

Zelle stood on a small cliff wall probably 20 feet up. I was scared she would fall, but I marveled at her mountain goat traits.

Man, those would have been amazing photos!

I reflect on the hike while lying on the couch bed. There was a part we came across that had totally flat rock, roundish holes were scattered, probably a science term for it, but it was these rock holes.

How can I explain it.

I think of a muffin pan. The indents where you put the dough in. Anyways, it was like that. It had rainwater in them. So, we sat in them. Cooling off. The water was a little warm but made the warm breeze into a cool one.

I had no care; I thought about how I bathed in the canyons.

I absorbed those ancient atoms.

My uncle used the Hogan for storage. It was almost done. The roof needs to be completed. You can still see the wood framing. He had a nice wood stove in there. I used it a few times. Until the roof was done, it was going to be used as a storage space.

I notice all the cobwebs constructed on the ceiling. I think of how many spiders slowly webbed down and crawled into my mouth as I slept.

I try to read The Ninja.

Eyes just moved side to side, reading a sentence over and over. I couldn’t help but think of all the cool trails out in Santa Fe.

I think of how there are dogs always cruising in cars.  I picture Heath and Zelle in Santa Fe. They would look good there. They would fit in. New Mexico Mutts. Yeah! I think Heath is from Alamogordo. I know Zelle is from Acoma. I rise to sit back up from the bed like an ancient mummy coming to life.

Let’s go to New Mexico!

But I can finally read now. I got to the part where the Ninja Protagonist must make a decision. A life he wanted to put away is coming back, there is no stopping it. Now with huge threats looming over his loved ones, he must take the path.

The Ninja way.

But first he must make passionate love to the woman he cares about; he may never see her again. So, I think this is the final time they make love. And BAM! out of nowhere some assassins tried to kill them, the ninja protagonist fought them off physically naked.

I thought that was cool.

I picture myself almost naked in the Canyons. With a spear. About to throw it at a huge boar to roast over a fire pit later.

Invite all my loved ones, we eat and party around a fire.

I am thinking of catching a big catfish at Bluewater Lake.

Beautiful New Mexico.

Huge skies.

Like the Ninja, I should return to it.

I thought about Santa Fe.

Being an Artist.

I get back up and start going through my old sketch pads I still hold on to. The afternoon sun seeps through a chimney opening on the roof. Light beams down, you can see it, because my uncle’s hogan has a fine dirt floor. We were moving around enough to show dirt floating in the air. Displaying a single sunray.

I walk over to the beam and put my drawing pad in the light. I think of a tomb in Ancient Egypt. I think of myself as an old archeologist, because of my dried hands, unveiling an artist’s work.

An artist who signed his named in weird letters.

Veneron

I kind of took out some of my paintings, brushing the dust off. Amazed. Only at how I put these in my car when I moved. Wow! How did I do it? With Heath and Zelle too!

I look at my dogs just laying on their sides, panting hard to cool off.

We start on a late afternoon nap.

I lay back on the metal bed couch, wondering how fun it would be to be an artist.

But nope, I think of the interviewer calling me, and I think of myself contributing to society. Be a teacher and try to help develop some good in the future. If I could sit around, make drawings and sculptures all day, I would have to have something called.

Luxury.

Lots of luxury.

Sweet, luscious luxurious luxury.

I kept repeating that until I fell asleep.

You must have a job.

Some kind of security. Some status. Whatever you think, jobs are at times very important to have. But for my last teaching job.

I was tired.

I decided to take care of myself. So, I quit teaching. I travelled and went to places. Hiking and camping. I lived life. That was what was important now.

But…ok.

I did some applications for jobs during my adventures. Teacher jobs that were available. I did applications and sent them off mostly at UPS stores.

Some called back.

I turned down a few because of the locations. Some never called back.

I was surprised these guys from Santa Fe called.

I called back, agreed to do the interview. I planned it two days advance. To see Santa Fe. To go and live life there for a while. I had some old friends to see.

Do the interview, check out the scenes.

See ART!

We drove almost all day to Santa Fe.

We stopped at many cool places to hike. I was almost to Cochiti, and I needed to refuel. I stopped at a gas station. I checked out the area as the gas pumped away. It was a good feeling to be in that area.

My phone rings, and it is the person again, from the hiring panel. She tells me I don’t have any college transcripts along with my application. I do my sorry laugh and apologize, and she does her kind laugh, she then asks me if I can email some.

Or!

Bring physical copies to the interview. It dawns on me that I am close to IAIA. I told her I will stop by my old art college to pick some up at the registrar’s office. I drove to IAIA.

All kinds of memories come back.

Wow, I think of my younger self. A drawing and painting pioneer. I felt I was just getting started with stone sculpture. I started feeling inspired. I wanted to chisel something out of stone.

A marble anatomical heart.

I cruise to the registrar’s office and obtain the transcripts. I came out and kind of walked the campus a little. Memories pour into me. Now I am feeling old.

Ancient.

I stand in the dance circle and think of my graduation. In 2014. Evan Adams. From the Smoke Signals film. The one who played Thomas.

How he was our honorable guest speaker. I think he talked about living your dream.

I think of my dog’s bravery.

I remembered.

I was having lunch with a friend in town.

So, I had to go.

I started driving out of campus and came to a stop sign that is before the Avan Nu Po road. I press down the signal stick to go left. That clicking sound holds me there at the stop sign. I see a crow on the road, a cloud moves and the sun comes out behind it.

I remembered.

Being a student worker. Facilities Department.

“I wonder if it still looks the same” I think. I U-turn and get back into the campus.

I drive down to Facilities.

New makeover.

I have an uncontrollable expression come over me, something like, “Woooaahh”

The front desk assistant greets me and asks if I need anything. I tease and say I need an application to be a student worker. The assistant starts to look around the desk and gets on the computer.

Before I could say never mind, I see this very important looking person coming out his office. Vincent. Leaving early. Like 3:30 pm. He is the director. We greet. I boast that I was a student worker once. He asks if I am an Alumni, and I say yes.

Vincent told the assistant, Alex to start getting me set up for a meeting with Paul. The events coordinator manager.

I immediately get skittish. I say something like, “But nah, I’m just visiting, thanks though” I go on about my teacher stuff, the transcripts and all.

Alex mentions summer work. So, we all chat a bit.

Vincent tells me it is important that Alumni be with students, and that Alumni are always welcome. That touches my heart. We exchanged information, and I got back into my car talking to Heath and Zelle.

Me, working here at Facilities. I turn the car on, put my shades on and start to back up.

Then, I saw it.

The EZ-GO golfcart. Probably from the 90s, I think. I used that same cart when I worked as a student worker. I watched the student workers driving it.

And they were laughing. I thought of myself. Just young and had no idea what I wanted to do after college. I knew I wanted to be an artist though. Just all these emotions came. With my shades on, you can’t tell, I am crying.

Paul called to say hi and introduce himself and reminded me of the interview.

Trying to sound like I wasn’t crying.

I agreed to be there.

I hung up.

The rest of the day I saw some old friends.

I camped at Hyde Memorial Campgrounds.

In the morning, I went to a barber shop in Santa Fe. I got there at eight AM. I look at the art magazines and wait a few minutes. The barber says his eight o’clock appointment was cancelled.

So, he cuts my hair.

I tried to pay, but it was already paid for. He says it is divine powers. I went thrifting for something someone didn’t need anymore.

Cool clothes.

I got all gussied up for my interview.

Which was at two PM.

I looked and felt good.

Just a reason to dress nicely and enjoy the Santa Fe lifestyle.

I did some laundry at a laundromat.

They had a Super Ghouls an Ghosts retro game. They were playing The Cure’s Disintegration Album. There were TVs hanging, but no sound, showing soap operas and sports news.

That’s Santa Fe.

Something about that felt like home. I put my clothes in the big dryers.

I took a map out and started thinking of a new trip to take. I remember. The Facilities interview. I close my map. I look out those big laundromat windows. I decided.  No more teacher jobs for now. Tomorrow, I’ll see Paul.

Continue wasting quarters on the amazing arcade game.

Agreed, as a temp worker.

Trash and recycling. Outdoor work.

Trimming and raking. Making the campus pretty.

My friends were happy to have me stay a few more days.

In the meantime. I started looking for a place.

For me and my pups to stay. I was thinking of renting for now. To make things short. I went through every available listing for apartments. I went to all those potential ones for tours.

I get told the rates and all the deposit fees.

But when I mentioned my dogs, they were either backing out or making it more complex and expensive for me to live there. All agreements about dogs need to be met. Policies. Such a hassle.

It got to a point where someone told me I probably should give them up.

Heath and Zelle. No way! I did that searching for a few days. It was quite the adventure. It is comedic actually and thought how a lot of funny stuff happened. In that time span of looking for a place, apart from staying at my friends’ homes, we also camped again in the Santa Fe mountains.

And probably the last time at Hyde Memorial State Park.

The upcoming night, I planned for a hotel.

A soft cozy bed.

We got out the tent. I stand.

My palms on my love handles, my elbows perched out like wings, I am standing at my tent, trying to remember how I break it down again.

I gave up on looking for a place.

While aiming at a dead tree.

Throwing a tent stake, like a ninja training in the woods.

Missing completely.

“Wow! Talk about NO DOGS ALLOWED!”

I texted Paul to thank him for his time and the opportunity.

And there would be no response as I drove for a long time to places. No response. So, there we are again, back on the road.

I spontaneously thought of visiting the whole Northwest coast.

Enjoy ourselves all the way down to San Diego. Take some surfing lessons. Be a Beach Bum. I can see Me, Heath and Zelle living by the beach.

I was calling it.

The Pacific Experience.

It’s in my blood.

EXLPORER

But.

I would love to make a home somewhere. Something about all those hassles and extra fees for the dogs made me really think about a home. Or to think of a home.

For now, I think RVs. Wow! Invest in one of those! My heart sang for hope. For a RV someday.

I drove to Laguna, NM. To see my brother and his wife. To update them I was going to do a road trip. To the Northwest coast all the way down to the south.

See South America.

Reminds me of my expired passport.

Time to renew.

We headed out to Bluewater Lake.

Try at night, maybe skinny dipping.

Just let the water sooth me. Spend the night at the campgrounds.

Go fishing.

I stopped at the store to get bait and string for my fishing rod. I was driving around in the parking lot looking for a place to park. An ad was playing on some big music station company. Feeling good, head bopping to no music.

It had some static.

When I turned down the volume.

To me, it said. Ann and associates. Call Ann.

I parked, I thought for a moment. I knew Ann. Not the radio Ann, but Ann, she lives in Nambe, NM. I called and left Ann a message. I said in my kind of soft cherubic voice.

“Oh, hey there, just thought I’d call and say hello and maybe you knew someone renting out a room…Call me back” .

Something like that.

One last attempt to find a place.

I hung up. Left some windows open and told the dogs I would be right back.

Ann calls me right back.

She says it’s a miracle, she had a tenant, named VERONICA moving out that exact same day too.

Strange timing!

So YES! A room is available. Before I hang up. I dread the next thing I am about to say. I look back at the dogs, Heath and Zelle. My two fluffy kids.

By the way.

I have two dogs.

She says she has two dogs as well!

Kato and Rocky.

And a Cat.

Stormy.

She says bring them up. Will talk about it.

I’ll always remember my drive back.

All the way back through Laguna, Albuquerque, and then close to Santa Fe.

Then, I got off 25, onto the old truck route. 599. Then back onto the 25 again. Past Tesuque. Then I stopped to get gas at Valero. Near Buffalo Thunder Casino.

The gas pump pumps away, and I look over the 25, I see Camel Rock.

I think at this time.

Born in Gallup NM!

Lived here always.

Never explored it.

I tell the dogs.

“Let’s see the oldest Camel in the world.”

We did, and then we wandered off trails and we got to a mound that was kind of big. We stopped to look back at the 25, see the camel from a different angle.

It was quiet.

We saw a little group of hikers by the Camel. They were focused on a couple standing together.

Taking some photos and then clapping.

If I were to guess. Someone proposed. Or announced a pregnancy. Or my best bet.

An anniversary.

I kind of took that in as a blessing. I thought of my mom and dad. I remember some photos of them together. They looked groovy with their van. Camping. I wonder if that was how my dad proposed to her.

I think more loving thoughts, pushing down the tear, so entranced by the thought of those two marrying each other. My leg perched on a rock and my knee rose to meet my elbow, where my left fist supports my chin. I am smiling big taking it all in.

Then, I hear this water sprinkler sound. You know the ones that shoot the water like a machine gun onto the football fields?

I turn around in awe.

I am thinking

Why the hell on earth is there a sprinkler system out in the middle of the desert?

Is this what the camel rock people placed out here?

To grow grass?

Then I see it.

It’s a huge rattlesnake.

Heath and a giant Rattlesnake circling one another.

About to fight. Heath always finds them. So, I remember to always stay calm. I grab a stick and walk over to the snake. It takes a jab at Heath! Heath’s neck coat puffed up.

Heath became the Wolfman, in full moon capacity!

I screamed loud at both of them.

STOP!

We somehow avoid that battle and let the snake be.

It rattled on.

Watching us, defending itself. What an amazing creature. It sends fair warning. I felt bad for speaking to the snake that way, but I do love my boy.

Our adrenaline is super jacked!

We started exploring more, and I could feel that group of Hikers were looking at us, so I stop, tilt my head around so my sunglasses reflect the sun to them.

Let them know I see them.

Someone yells out. “Are you okay?!!”

I tell them yes and the whole ordeal that happened. Then I asked them what they are celebrating? They explained.

Some guy reached 44,444 miles.

Someone bought a new trailer home from down the road too. So, it was like good vibes all around and they thought they would take a photo together.

Neat.

That’s New Mexico.

We kept exploring it.

I pretend that Heath is Aragorn.

Zelle is Legolas.

I am Gimli.

We run through beautiful nature, and I am humming the Battle songs from the Lord of the Rings movies.

They run ahead of me as I struggle to keep up.

I pretend battles are taking place, and I am holding my cool all black hatchet.

I fight the air. Then I threw my hatchet at a dead tree, as if the tree was a big monster trying to attack Lord Heath. Heath has a dead branch in his mouth and he uses it to swing it around in the air, sword fighting, the horrid goblins.

I pretend arrows are hitting enemies that get near me and Heath, and I see Zelle running through the trees.

Like a film reel, in light, then in shadow

Her arrows helped from a distance.

We battle on.

No monsters for now.

Zelle must be Arwen.

That soft singing voice comes to me when she runs up to the mound and puts her nose to the air. Probably smelling something seven miles away.

I asked her what her Dog nose smells?

Zelle says, “Giant Rattlesnakes coming from the west.”

I laughed like Santa Claus and spoke!

“Is that all?”

Heath and Zelle, probably smiling at me with their tongues out. Panting. Tired from fighting.

I tell them it has been an honor to fight beside them.

Way off somewhere.

I’ll do battle cries.

But we already scared those hikers.

In my head, an inspiring melody plays.

I feel our spirits have been lifted by something beautifully orchestrated.

Some mysterious life force is helping us out.

Wants us to settle.

The sun and moon were still out together for the day.

Go out in a blaze of glory.

Put away the teacher for now.

I pull my hatchet from the dead tree.

I hold the beard and cheek

Point the throat.

My axe is Ben Wade’s pistol.

Hand of God.

Be the Artist.

Ann is Scottish and Cherokee.

Nambe seriously makes me want a Horse. And some real property.